you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm at about main and main street
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
