Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
