to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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