does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
