I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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