omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
