that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
