Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
