WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
