I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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