i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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