I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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