Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
