If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
