I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a search helicopter?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
