I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
