After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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