Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
