Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
