three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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