we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I met the friendliest cop last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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