You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
