His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
