i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
