I puked a lego.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
