The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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