he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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