Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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