he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
