I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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