Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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