i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
