This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
