I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
