his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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