My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dick very happy bro
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
