hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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