I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
