I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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