i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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