The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
