Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My penis needs a shock collar
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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