I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
