Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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