Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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