Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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