the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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