Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
