Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
