Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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