You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
